Don't "hot send" if you’re pissed off
Before you hit send on a message...
...check in with yourself first to make sure it’s not a hasty response.
The other day, I was about to make a gigantic mistake.
Well, let me back up and add some context before I get into the near disaster.
The past couple weeks have been heavily weighing on me due to a lot of personal and family issues. So, I haven’t been exactly in the cheeriest of moods.
And certainly in zero mood for any flavor or forms of bullshit.
While dealing with stuff on the home front, I still have a laundry list of responsibilities for my business, including scheduling client photo sessions.
And one particular client needed to reschedule his session with me.
Despite the fact that this happens every now and again, and is normally not a big deal, the timing of this reschedule really pushed me to a high-level of aggravation.
As a result, I interpreted the tone and approach of his emails with a disgruntled and hostile lens that pushed me to the brink.
Almost.
After a couple back and forth emails, I was ready to lay into him about how inconsiderate it was to wait until the last minute to reschedule. For a second, I was ready to hand the deposit back, which would’ve been highly irrational.
As I prepared to type out this sternly written email already put together chapter and verse in my head that basically would’ve blown up the relationship, I did something else.
I paused.
Then, I countered my feverish anger with some practical, self-talk.
“Dude, what are you doing right now? You’re not mad at this guy because of a rescheduling issue. Your anger has nothing to do with him. You cannot send this email. It’s not fair to him at all. Cut the shit and STOP!”
After taking a couple breaths and walking away from my computer, I decided that the best thing to do right now was not to say anything.
About an hour later, I headed back to my computer and responded with a level-headed message and simply coordinated another time slot for us to work together.
Had I done the “hot send,” it not only would’ve killed a relationship for no good reason, it also would’ve been an example of how I NEVER want to show up for my clients, or how I want to show up in the world, period.
I spent many years impulsively reacting to situations I found to be annoying and unfair.
And, in most of those cases, I’ve realized, in hindsight, that my anger was completely misguided by falsely interpreting the other person’s words/actions and reacting in an overblown, emotional way based on something completely unrelated.
I’m sure many of you can relate to this.
It’s important for you to PAUSE and THINK before you hit send on any message, whether it’s to a client, colleague, and even friends and family.
Before you fire off something bat-shit crazy in haste, check in with yourself and ask:
“Is this the way I want to deal with this question/challenge/problem?”
“Am I reacting rationally to them, or are other forces at play here in shaping my response?”
“What is a better way to communicate my thoughts in this instance to achieve the goal I want?”
“How would I want to be spoken to if I were on the other side of this conversation?”
When you approach communication with a more pragmatic and less emotional response, you’re setting up the moving forward stage as a total win-win for everyone involved.
Is it easy to slap your hand away from the computer before you hit send?
Nope.
But the juice is worth the squeeze :)
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