"Vacation" time
Don’t run from your feelings...
It’s a race you’ll never win.
The funny thing about vacations is that in order to enjoy one, you need to get on the plane first.
Two days ago, I had my bags packed, tickets booked, even had my boarding pass ready to go on my phone and everything.
And yet, 5 minutes before I called the cab to drive me to LGA in Queens, a deep sense of sadness suddenly saturated every pore of my body and it made me stop in my tracks.
To say that feeling came from out of nowhere would be a lie, but it was a bit abrupt, ill-timed and quite annoying, if I do say so myself.
That sadness motivated me to call off the trip.
After unpacking my bag, I sat on my couch, staring blankly out the window at the rain falling down outside.
How appropriately melancholic, right?
It’s been almost a month since my dad passed away, and apparently, my actions clearly show that I’m not over it yet, despite feeling like I’ve gone through the stages of grief...
...but really, I’ve been stacking my schedule simply to keep myself distracted and busy.
Apparently, my subconscious has the final say on when I can finally move past it all, and I’m a little pissed off about that reality, if I’m being honest.
But at the same time, I get it, and allow myself the space and permission to be a human being while holding so many conflicting emotions at the same time.
I guess that’s why the vacation thing didn’t take.
The only time that I’ve felt right over this past month is when I’m behind a camera.
When I’m shooting, the constant chatter in my mind quiets, the anticipation to work is motivating, and as a result, I’m able to be fully present and clear with my intentions.
And that intention is to create magical photos with my people. Photos that they’re proud to share with those they serve.
My work is not just a calling, a passion, and a business. It’s also represents my safe place, therapy session and moment of catharsis.
It’s where I have control and everything makes sense, despite whatever last-minute challenges stand in front of a successful session.
It’s a gift to which I’m grateful that I was able to identify and translate into something useful for others.
But even the recent workload hasn’t been enough to shake this ehh feeling out for good and get me back on the rails at full speed.
So what’s the takeaway for you in all this?
Don’t run from your feelings - it’s a race you’ll never win.
Give yourself the grace to feel the feelings and don’t beat yourself up when you think you’ve exhausted them all, and yet, the sadness and upset return for more than one encore.
We’re human, after all.
We store our emotions, experiences and traumas in our bodies, and oftentimes, our body is on it’s own time when it feels like releasing them.
Lame, but a sad fact.
All we can do is accept what is happening in the present moment and go from there.
If you try to bottle up those emotions, your top will pop like a bottle of soda that was shaken way too much before it was opened.
And that’s when it gets really messy, especially when other people are involved.
So, if you’re currently avoiding something that deep down, you know you need to deal with head on, there’s no better time than now to start the healing process.
Otherwise, you might miss your flight, too…
Now to you…
What has your experience been with grief? How has it manifested itself in ways that you couldn’t or wouldn’t have expected? Please share in the comment section below.